The Jordan Year. The ever-fabled year when .. what happens? Every year I get older, and every time I try to ignore it. It happens. I’m over it. I’m thankful for my parents putting up with me through school and thereafter, for everyone who has helped mold me into the person I am today. And I know I’m not supposed to know (or shouldn’t expect to) where I’m headed but I still feel lost.
I feel like I’m supposed to know my objective by now. Not because of a message passed down by some higher plane, but because lots of people approach me as if I do.
I fuck up a lot. A lot of these mistakes I make are so avoidable, I do my best to forget them. Then deja vu occurs. Why can’t I accept the fact that I’m not as perfect as I keep letting myself to believe? That I’m not some magician-esque kind of guy?
It’s the side effects of believing too much into all of the hype people give you. People really can only see an exterior to a person, especially on the Internet. Unless, of course, you begin to bleed and peel like this.
You start tearing at the layers of the skin that’ve been applied to them.
You begin to debunk each and every compliment that comes their way.
Until you just really begin to stop giving a fuck about what the world “expects” them to do.
Until I begin accepting me for who I am.
The problem is, I still don’t know who that is. I’m learning that it’s okay not to know. As long as I do my absolute best, I don’t think I can do too much wrong.