I started writing this on the 4 local train after hanging out with a few people from an event held post-CSSConf 2015. Seeing all of these new and old faces as well as faces I recognized by handles or 60 by 60 pixel images1 on the Internet had me feeling a bunch of different feelings at once2. I didn’t have the time to attend CSSConf in person and that’s completely okay; life does shit like that. But getting the chance to reconnect with a bunch of people did help break the funk I was in light of recent events far and near. I initially told myself I wasn’t going to go outside unless it dealt with work. Speaking to my younger brother; I had to change my mind on that. He mentioned that I always had a story to tell about how my time outside went and that me being in a lot or just on the roof didn’t lead to this.
I’ve parted ways with my last full-time position a while ago and ended up turning down a lot of positions3 because of potential conflicts with vibes of the company’s culture or being turned down because of the ever-famous “not the right fit”. Though not conclusive, you can ask particular questions to engineers about how out-going they’ll be if you were to attempt to actually solve a problem with them. This, more or less, convinced me that going back to freelancing, for now, was the best solution for sanity and a level of comfort. Doing so though, caused a lack of interactivity with people that I did enjoy while working; a human-esque, lax-on-work, more-bonding element. I could crack a joke, mention something interesting I’ve found that’s not necessarily tech related and feel a bit alive at this place I spent most of my time at.
Just being out of the house, not working on anything in particular outside of meeting people and connecting with people felt really really good. Like “can I have four more of these?” kind of good. It made me feel so good I managed to write this blog post about it, heh. I degraded my experience by using social media, specifically Twitter, to supplement that interactivity. I’ve made some awesome acquaintances online and it was even better meeting the select group that I did in person. As much as we’d try, nothing4 can supplement the comfortableness of sharing thoughts over a beer or tea (whichever suits your fancy; I’m in both camps actually).
What I’m trying to say, if I’m saying anything at all, is that you need to go outside once in a while. I’d understand if anxiety prevents you and I’m not trying to get a forklift to shove you out. But getting around people more often than less helps ease tension. This is coming from someone who can’t go concerts because of paranoia of large crowds5. I can only really go if I’m with and like surrounded by people I know and trust. I’m probably ranting by now, but I hope that this gets to someone who needs it.
I know I did. Thanks, Will.