It’s been a very rough three months for me. Three months of hair pulling and anguish. And then it happens with irrefutable evidence here in New York City, where I knew it would, but I didn’t think it’d happen so soon1. You never think it’ll happen so soon. Then I left everything and held it down for my city. Well, not the city, but the people living in the city because it doesn’t seem like the City care for its “disadvantaged” residents anymore.
I’m obviously speaking on police brutality that’s been used as a medium to express extreme forms of racism and sexism. Don’t even get me started on how disgusting the media (and our own brothers) when it comes to the erasure of women (actually, everyone but men) when it comes to this form of abuse, Jamilah Lemieux of Ebony has a whole video dedicated to this. This isn’t so much about that, for me at least. This is about how I’ve noticed my personal disconnect from things I love doing and my slow distancing from people I care about. It’s Christmas Eve and my family doesn’t really Christmas like that, despite some unspoken mantra that we should be more giggly this time of year. I wake up, wrestle, eat with and sleep on top of these people for the last twenty years of my life. Any closer and all of the Alciné would become a hivemind! It’s not good, even my brother’s mentioned he doesn’t see me anymore. I’m going to fix this by doing what I’ve done before, when I was a bit more ignorant in 2011. I’m going to spend large portions of time with my family these few days. As we all should; God forbid this crooked system deem our families next in their hit list.
I’ve spoken to a few people that I’ve considered affluent on this and I’m getting the vibe that I might need to shift gears. Being a foot solider is definitely necessary, if not required as being a Black individual, but it’s not the best use of the skills I have at my disposal. Things like making sniffers for stringray devices more portable or helping educate people to use encrypted means of communications to make core leadership more evasive from law enforcement interception (because this is all about civil disobedience) and the such are things I can help with.
And I Will.
I was stupid for thinking that, thinking that we were safe. No one is safe; nothing makes me or them special from their prowl. ↩